with your own penis?
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
