The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
