Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
