I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
