I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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