You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
