Having a random hookup so left but love u
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
