I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
