Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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