Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
