Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
