My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
