Welp...herpes.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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