I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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