Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
