I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
