i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
