We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
