It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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