goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
