okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
