that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
