Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
