Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
