Have you finally orgasmed yet?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
