WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
