I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
