Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
