I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
