It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
