Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
