And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
