Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just high enough for therapy.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
