then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
