Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
