I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
