It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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