Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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