when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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