I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
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