he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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