just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
When did angry sex become our thing?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
