yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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