how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
