my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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