Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
