i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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