I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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