wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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