I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
