The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
